Her Mask
by prpl pen
Summary: Tsubaki could never decide if she loved Kikyou or hated her. She suspected it was both. Written for shiinabambi (aka Aiffe). Tsubaki x Kikyou. ONE-SHOT.


**Note: **This was originally written for shiinabambi (Aiffe on ff. net) based on a request she made in the LJ community "fic on demand." Some quoted dialogue is taken from a fansub of the _Inuyasha_ spring special.**  
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**Her Mask**

"A miko shows her true power once she throws away her feelings, but as a woman, you will probably fall in love." The gathering power of Tsubaki's words hung subtly in the air and Kikyou turned, a look in her eyes that Tsubaki couldn't quite place. Wonder? Sadness? Regret? At that moment, Tsubaki would have been content to stop what she'd begun and let the curse dissipate harmlessly, still lacking the final act of focus it would need to be effective.

"Me?" Yes, for a moment, there was genuine surprise in Kikyou's face and voice. Then the miko's mask slipped back into place and she was again in control of herself, a small amused smile--_a cruel smile_, Tsubaki thought, considering what had happened that day--replacing the enigmatic look. "Fall in love?"

It was that smile decided her. She supposed it was the act of a petulant child, one who would rather break a toy than allow another to touch it, but she focused the power of her words in an instant and from that point there was no turning back. "Do not forget. Do not fall in love." Shamefully, even in her anger towards Kikyou, desire still swam up and she felt a twinge of regret at the absolute nature of her curse. Without planning to, she found herself amending it. More words spilled out of her; softening the blow, offering a loophole for the both of them: "Do not be loved by a man. If you ever meet such a man, you will die an unnatural death." Now she could see another look on Kikyou's face and this one she knew. She raised her chin just slightly as she spoke these final words, waiting for the question that Kikyou would surely ask: _why_? Tsubaki tried to decide the best way to receive this question and discovered she didn't really have an answer, even for herself.

Yet once again Kikyou frustrated her expectations. Her face a mask once more, she merely gave a small scoff of a laugh and turned away, saying only, "I'll keep that in mind," before walking away, shadowed by her young sister. Tsubaki watched them till they were out of sight and continued standing there even after the two were lost behind the green of the trees. She couldn't stop thinking about the flash of a look on Kikyou's face just as she'd finished her curse. She'd seen it before--only hours before, in fact. It was pity.

-------

A servant met her as she entered the village, and led her quickly to the headman's home, twilight falling fast and the first stars beginning to twinkle faintly in the eastern sky. Even before the servant slid open the door, she could sense potent spiritual power present within and she knew who it must be. Only one burned as brightly as that. One whose physical beauty matched her inner light. Tsubaki felt a surge of heat in her blood, that odd melding of emotions that she only felt around one person.

"Kikyou-dono." Tsubaki inclined her head slightly at the miko, already comfortably seated near the headman. "It would seem we have both heard of this village's trouble with youkai. Perhaps I came here needlessly."

"Tsubaki-dono." Kikyou nodded a greeting, silently regarding Tsubaki for a moment. Then she smiled cordially and shook her head, her black hair shining in the lamplight. "I welcome your experience. If we face them together, we can make short work of the youkai." The headman nodded eagerly at this, motioning Tsubaki to come and sit at his other side.

She ignored him, instead crossing the room and stopping near Kikyou. "Ah. You came alone then?" It was a question she didn't need to ask; it was obvious that Kikyou had more than enough skill and power to take care of these undoubtably weak youkai on her own.

She was surprised when Kikyou shook her head. "My younger sister, Kaede, is already asleep. She assists me." Tsubaki felt a young sibling was more likely to be a liability than an asset, but of course made no mention of this. Instead she sat delicately at Kikyou's right side and studied the miko in the lamplight. She was as lovely as ever: pale skin that seemed almost to glow in the dancing light of the lamp and brown eyes that looked as if they held wisdom beyond her years, framed by that silken fall of black hair pulled back at her neck. Tsubaki felt the familiar rush of jealousy and desire mingled; a mix of feelings only Kikyou seemed to bring out in her. The two young miko had only met a handful of times since completing their training, and never at length, but each time had left Tsubaki smoldering with the strange wash of feelings. She could never decide if she loved Kikyou or hated her. She suspected it was both.

Kikyou and the headman were speaking now, turning occasionally to Tsubaki to politely include her in the discussion and plan-making. She listened only as much as was required of her, making short answers to questions and wanting nothing more than for this to be over quickly. She realized she had made a mistake when she chose her seat. It was taking nearly all of her willpower not to reach out and gently brush a loose strand of ebony hair from Kikyou's cheek.

(space)

Tsubaki was on the edge of waking when she sensed someone standing, perfectly still, near her futon. Kikyou. The young miko opened her eyes and raised herself up on her side, beginning to speak. Kikyou shook her head for silence and pointed to the small figure lying across the floor, still fast asleep to judge by the soft rise and fall of her chest. Ah. That must be the sister. Tsubaki rose quietly, taking her weapon in hand, and followed Kikyou as she slipped from the room.

They walked in silence until they reached the field where they planned to make their stand. Tsubaki thought she would have to be the one to speak first, but was surprised when Kikyou broke the stillness of the morning, volunteering the answer to a question unasked.

"Kaede travels with me because she admires what I do. She doesn't yet understand the sacrifice required to be a miko. The sacrifice she will have to make herself if she continues to follow my path." Kikyou's back was to Tsubaki, her hair stirring in the chill morning breeze. She knew at once what Kikyou meant, yet felt a rush of selfish delight at her words. It was probably the closest to admitting weakness she had ever seen from the young miko. The closest to admitting humanity. Hoping for more, she feigned ignorance.

"Sacrifice?" She raised one fine brow slightly.

Kikyou still didn't turn around. "You know what I mean, I think." She stood in stillness for a long moment, the faint rustle of her hair and clothing in the breeze the only movement to be seen in her.

Tsubaki suddenly wanted nothing more than to make Kikyou's cool miko demeanor evaporate; make her mask fall off and shatter at their feet, if only for an instant. Again, she felt the hot rush in her blood, a wash of anger, jealousy, but above all, desire. She took the few steps between them so quickly it was almost a run, reaching out her hand and dropping it heavily on Kikyou's shoulder. The young woman turned her head to look at Tsubaki, her face still calm and serene, still playing her part. She gave a small nod, not even reacting to the touch of Tsubaki's hand. "Yes. You know."

Tsubaki clutched more tightly at Kikyou's shoulder, giving a small jerk of her hand. "Yes, I understand. But maybe that's why--" She broke off, dropping her weapon and raising the free hand to Kikyou's face, fingers lightly caressing the cheek before she moved forward, in a movement almost violent in its swiftness, and pressed her lips against Kikyou's.

She wasn't sure what she expected. Resistance, probably, or possibly even the continued presence of Kikyou's perfect mask, cool and unyielding even as Tsubaki vented her passion. Instead, she felt warm lips meeting her own, parting slightly after an instant, not just enduring her kiss but _kissing back_. Light as a butterfly, fingertips brushed against the delicate skin just below her jaw, whispering against her hair. In the end, it was Tsubaki that pulled away first.

She looked up at Kikyou's lovely face. The anger and jealousy were gone now and Tsubaki felt only the dull ache of desire. Her hand, still resting softly against the young miko's cheek, moved to stroke the shining hair. It was as silken as she'd always known it would be. Tsubaki felt a smile come to her lips and she began once more to lean in for a kiss, meaning it to be a deeper one this time, now that she knew it was not unwelcome.

This time, however, Kikyou stepped back, deftly removing her hand from Tsubaki's skin and looking at her with that same damned inscrutable look of porcelain she always seemed to wear. She shook her head calmly.

"Why?" Tsubaki's hand dragged at Kikyou's hair, pulling it sharply. The miko only reached up and clasped Tsubaki's wrist, holding her hand still until she finally loosened her grasp on the dark hair. She tore instead with her voice, in a cry ragged with anger and confusion. "Why?" In reply, Kikyou only shook her head once more. Tsubaki, now embarrassed at her outburst, pulled her wrist free and dropped both arms to her sides, leveling her gaze at Kikyou. When she spoke now, it was with feigned amusement ringing in her voice. "I see now. You are too cold to allow that mask to drop, is that it? Even for a moment, even for one who understands just as you do. Very well, Kikyou-dono. A miko you are, and a miko you shall remain." She knelt to recover her weapon and as she straightened, caught a look of true emotion in Kikyou's face, her mask nowhere to be seen.

"_Kikyou-onee-sama_!" A cry came faintly from down the lane, just out of sight. Kaede must have woken up and, finding her sister gone, come after her. Tsubaki raised her chin haughtily and walked from the silent figure of Kikyou, crossing to a good position in anticipation of the youkai's attack. She could already feel youki beginning to gather around them.

She didn't look back to Kikyou. She was afraid she would still see the look of pity on the young miko's face.

It never occurred to Tsubaki that it might not have been meant only for her.


End file.
